I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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