What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
