You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
