Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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