Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
