he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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