She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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