Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
