yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
