Someone shit on the floor
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
