I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
