You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I need to calm my uterus...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
