Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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