Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
