dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
