if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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