I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
