The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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