i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
