Barsexuality is the new black.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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