just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
