what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
