I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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