I smell stomach acid.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
