PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
