drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
