you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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