the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
