Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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