thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
