This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
