well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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