and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
