capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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