I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
