My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
