apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
