the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We left an ass print on the piano.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
