oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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