bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
farters have to be the big spoon...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
