i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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