i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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