I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
