How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
