All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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