We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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