i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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