Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
