How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
