He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
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