my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize