i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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