just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
