we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I AM VODKA MAN
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
