I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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