I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
