I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
