Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
