Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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