if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
They took my balls.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
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