Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
