i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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