just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
