I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
