I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
