Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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