is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
