so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
