Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
