Got a toothbrush?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
