I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
