were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
