when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
