i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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