Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
