Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
