no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
