We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I will pee on everything he values.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
