I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
