Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
